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Friday, April 1, 2011

After I Do: In-Laws

What was your relationship with your in-laws like before you got married? What is it like now? What were specific things that lead to an improvement/degradation of your relationship with your in-laws? Do you have any tips for people struggling with relationships with their in-laws?

Haha.. I guess this topic had to come up.  It's not like I neglect to mention them in my previous posts or anything.  Oddly enough, this question does add more information behind my relationship with my in-laws that I may forget to mention in the heat of the moment.  Here goes!

Before marriage my in-laws were pretty awesome.  They're the kind of laid back Asian parents that I never knew existed.  H also comes from a pretty huge family on his dad's side, and I absolutely loved all family gatherings.  It fulfilled a part of me that I never had growing up with only my immediate family.  His parents welcomed me to their home when I separated from my own parents.  Even before then, they would allow me to stay the night in H's room with no problems.  They treated me like their own daughter early on.  His dad was especially supportive of our relationship.

I lived with my in-laws for two very long years.  It's not fun to live with your own parents, and it's not always fun to live with your future in-laws either.  For me it didn't feel like home.  Only my parent's house felt like home, which is odd given that it's kind of a restaurant and all.  So I had a very difficult time adjusting, and I never fully accepted it as home for me.  By the summer of 2009, I was really anxious to leave and find a house with H.  We had just begun our home search, and it was a tough time.  Every single thing bothered us, and we wanted to get out as soon as humanly possible.

Well this is when we first ran into problems.  His parents wanted to have a bigger role in our house buying process.  We offended them greatly, and they did not make us forget.  I saw an ugly side that I had never seen before.  Almost a year and a half later, and I still cannot forget what happened, nor can I fully get over it.

Fast forward to our wedding.  Oh boy.  This will be for another time when I can get into the full details of everything that went downhill.  Let's just say that I thought all of my ill feelings would at least start to go away by now.  Well they haven't, and I'm not sure if they ever will.

The house and wedding issues have changed my relationship with my in-laws.  I still carry around those bad feelings with me, and I don't know when I can eventually let go.  I am scared of how our relationship might change (better or worse?  who knows?) once Ninja arrives.  I prefer spending time with my own dysfunctional family over spending time with my in-laws sometimes.  It's weird.  Can we just rewind back 3-4 years when everything was just fine?  That would be great.

I have learned that my not so great relationship with my in-laws is common.  I am not alone in my struggle.  It is difficult to be accepted in a new family, especially when the prized first and only son is involved.  Yeah I thought I was the one being taken away from my family (that's what my MIL told me to my face).  It just so happens that I have taken their son away from the family home.  Who knew I was so evil?

Hopefully time will heal the wounds of the past.  Maybe a little baby will bring us all together?  Somehow I think it may cause more problems, but I'll let time tell.

Check out other responses from the famous bees themselves over here!

After I Do:
Wedding Regrets
Name-Change Decisions
Household Chores
First Anniversary
Leave & Cleave


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