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Tuesday, April 5, 2011

After I Do: Divorce

What are your opinions on divorce?  Have your opinions changed now that you are married?  Do you and your SO openly talk about the possibility of divorce?  Why or why not?

My parents have been married for almost 40 years, and H's parents have been married for almost 30 years.  Even though my parents have been together for so long, I don't exactly believe that they are soul mates or have a healthy marriage.  At times I think it would be better if they were divorced.  They don't have the best relationship, and my mom drives my dad absolutely nuts.  She is super dependent on him to survive, and my dad would never leave her.  My dad wants to enjoy his life, and my mom is there preventing him from doing so.  It is a very odd relationship, and I wonder if they would be happier apart.

Asians don't accept divorce as an option, and I think we need to break that trend.  I most certainly do not want to be "stuck" in an unhappy marriage, and I don't want that to be the case for anyone else.  If trust is broken, cheating is involved, or abuse occurs, then there are necessary steps to take to determine where to go from there.  Therapy might be the first step.  Divorce might be the last one.  No one wants to become part of the divorce statistics, but I don't want any person to have to suffer in their marriage.  Of course I don't want people to consider divorce an option as an easy way out of a marriage.  Each and every relationship requires a lot of work from both partners.  You can't divorce because you don't want to work on the marriage.  That is just silly, but it does happen more often than I would like.

H and I talk about the possibility of divorce, and there are circumstances in which I would leave him.  I'll be honest here.  I do believe that we are soul mates, and we would have never gotten married if we didn't think that we were perfect for each other.  Communication and honesty is really important in a relationship.  I think as long as we can always trust and talk to one another, we will be happy as can be.  What about abuse?  What about cheating?  That's when we enter the territory for the possibility of divorce.  How can either one of us be happy if there is abuse or cheating?  How can we suffer and let our children suffer as well?  We would have to examine how we got into the bad place to begin with and see what our options are from there.  I would never rule out divorce.  I deserve to be happy.  H deserves to be happy.  Our children deserve to be happy.  It would be selfish for either one of us to stay in the marriage and continue to suffer.

That being said, I hope we never reach that point.  I have full confidence that we can make it through every bump in the road, and there is nothing that can break us apart.  We are partners in this game called life, and it will always be us against the world.

Check out other responses from the famous bees themselves over here!

After I Do:
Wedding Regrets
Name-Change Decisions
Household Chores
First Anniversary

Leave & Cleave


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