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Sunday, May 30, 2010


I am stressed. There are too many contributing factors. I hope I survive to tell my story.


Sunday, May 23, 2010

Sneak Peak -- Hair Piece

While I always had a vision of the perfect wedding dress, I don't think I ever matched that image with a veil. That's a good thing since I won't be getting married the traditional American way. Instead of a veil, I have a pretty hair piece to match that pretty hair of mine. Haha. Who am I kidding? Who cares about my hair? It's all about the flower! Take a look...


Saturday, May 22, 2010

Featured!! We're Famous!

Haha. Okay, we're not exactly famous. We're just super cool. =)

Thanks, Kristen! You are amazing!

Sunday, May 16, 2010

A Talk with my Dad

The wedding has been stressful, and I'll admit that I am an emotional mess. Don't all brides reach that stage? Weddings are supposed to unite two families, and yet I feel like I'm drifting further apart. There are days when I want to have no part in the wedding due to my in laws demands. Maybe it's because I was told by FFIL that I am not an American or that FMIL once told us to stop thinking like Americans.

Take a step back. Wait. I am an American, an Asian American. I am damn proud of my rights as an American born citizen. Sigh.

So I sink back and think of not so happy thoughts. My dad called me last night. I vented a little about the wedding, and he listened and understood. My parents expected all of this to happen. My dad said that I can't win the fights, and there's nothing worth fighting about. It's a one day event, and it's difficult for his parents to understand our views. They are trying to instill as much of the old traditions as possible. I told my dad that H's sister will probably have the wedding of her dreams. He said that will most likely be true. We're the guinea pigs right now, and it's never fun to be the experiment.

One of my biggest fears resulting from this wedding is that I will hold a grudge against H's parents. My dad holds grudges too. I think that's where I get it from. I told him about the big ordeal behind us purchasing our first home, and his parents were not very happy with our decision at first. My dad told me that they value different things than we do and that we are very fortunate to have a place of our own. My parents have been fully supportive of our purchase since the day I mentioned it to them, but I can't say the same for his parents. I don't think I will be able to get past what happened with the house ordeal, and I will always remember how they treated us. While I don't want to get into the details, it wasn't very pleasant. Will this wedding be the same? Most likely. I don't want that to happen, but it's probably too late.

I told my dad about the court house ceremony, and he was excited. He is definitely on board to attend, and honestly I couldn't be happier. After a "I'll come if you want me to come" response from FFIL, I was expecting the same from my parents. Maybe it wouldn't mean as much to them because Saturday is the big event. Who cares about the legal ceremony? Well my parents do, and they will be there. =)

Today our parents meet again. They met once before at Thanksgiving. It was an awkward interaction. By awkward, I mean there was very limited interaction. My parents spoke with the one person in H's family who is very much Chinese. Now that they won't have her to cling to, I'm afraid this next meeting with turn disastrous. I'm always afraid of what my parents think of H's parents. Don't get me wrong. H's parents are very good people (subtract the house & wedding fiasco from the equation), but they don't have the same values as my parents. The subject involves a few more sentences to make sense, but I think I'm rambling on right now. Basically, this meeting will be an interesting one. I have been fearing this day for the past week, and now that it's finally here, I want it to be over with pronto. At least my parents will be by my side, and I'll have their support.

Sometimes I get caught up in every detail that bothers me. It's hard not to. I just have to take my dad's advice. *takes a deep breath*

My daddy & I conquering the Great Wall of China, and we're at the very top!!
He's my hero.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

The Non-existent List...

Since the wedding is quickly approaching, there is always something to do everyday. As each task gets crossed off the to do list, I feel a sense of accomplishment. Okay about that to do list... I don't have one. Shhh. It's a secret.

I've been meaning to make one for months now, but I fear the stress that it might induce from the sight of it. That's probably not a very good reason because the day is quickly approaching, and I have tasks to add to my non-existent list. Instead of physically adding it, I make sure to tell H to make a mental note too. Two individuals with the same mental note might bring out the possibility of at least one of us remembering down the road. Oh the big chances I take!

Maybe if I recruited some help, then that to do list wouldn't be so overwhelming. I'm just not sure where to start with the asking for help part. There is a sense of guilt that comes with asking. I've never been the type to want help, and I'll spend hours by myself performing a task rather than asking for assistance. Luckily it's different for H, and I ask for his help all the freaking time. I'm sure he hates it. = p I've had some great friends come over to lend a hand (or let's make that two) on making the wedding favors. It's one of the biggest, most unrealistic goals I have for this wedding. I thought I could do it on my own the whole time, and now that we're weeks away, I know that is impossible. Even with my friends helping, I doubt it can actually happen, but I'm certainly going to try. Now that's where it stops. I can't get myself to ask for more or even think of how people can help.

"If there's anything I can do to help..."

I should really jump at the chance to say "yes" immediately with no hesitation. It would really help speed this process. I have no idea what kind of help is out there for me. The biggest help? A non-defective clone. Muahahaha.

being cool, calm, and using that peace sign --- maybe this will help reduce the stress & push us to write down a list already

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Wedding Break Down

We had a serious talk with H's parents this weekend, and it was not a pretty one. I was going to put this entry on the back burner, thinking that my frustration would subside in a few days. I'm sure it won't.

I've realized that this wedding really has nothing to do with us. It has everything to do with family and upholding Asian tradition. Weddings are never easy because there is an obligation to make everyone happy. The most well known advice out there is that you can't make everyone happy. H & I are Asian. We have to respect our families. We have no choice but to listen, be verbally abused, and follow direction. This is how the wedding turns into a day about the families, not the couple. Is it even about uniting two families? Not really. It sounds like a big family reunion. I would rather not attend.

Compromises. I've given up so much to make this wedding the day everyone else wants. What did I give up?
  • purchasing the perfect girly white wedding dress of my dreams & wearing it for every second possible -- instead I have to wear 3 dresses, none of which are dream worthy
  • walking down the aisle with a bouquet in my hand and my dad by my side
  • sharing the moment of "I do" with 0ur family and friends -- I get to do this at the court house with 2 witnesses instead
  • having bridesmaids who care & share the excitement -- instead I have some awesome friends who really make up for it
  • small intimate wedding -- turned into big family reunion
  • the excitement of planning the big day -- turned into dread & having to face reality
  • wanting the perfect balance of an American wedding with Asian traditions -- no balance, just Asian
What does my family think about all of this? I've been known to rant about how crazy and dysfunctional my family can be. Oddly enough, I think they are super awesome. They have been supportive through this whole planning process, and I sense a bit of excitement on their end. The only request they have made is to invite a few of their friends, most of which were already on my guest list.

With a month remaining, I've given up again. How can I keep my head up when I am dreading every moment of this? I can't.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Engagement Inspiration

Engagement photos. Two people truly, madly, deeply in love and captured in a photographer's lens. Beautiful!

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Our Parents

My parents get married in Hong Kong!

and strike a pose with the posse -- my family =)

H's parents get marred in Vietnam!

In celebration with their families. Yay!

H and I would not be who we are without our parents, and I'm going to pay a little tribute to them at the wedding. Details are up in the air, but I have a few ideas in that little brain of mine. =p

Playing Catch Up

Life has been hectic this past week, and I am playing catch up... big time. Ready for the big news? I guess you have to be if you're reading this.

We moved the date up to June 5th! Eeeeeks! *cues freak out mode*

I have pretty much turned into a crazy woman, and I am trying my very best to cross off as many things on our to do list everyday. Remember I'm the girl who lived with the thought of "if I don't think about this wedding, then I can pretend it won't happen." Yeah. Well it's definitely happening, and it's happening over 2 months earlier than expected. The new date was decided last Sunday, and we're a month away from the big date. Wowzers...

So let me back up and explain why we made such a crazy decision. It does make a lot of sense, just not to our sanity. H's grandparents' health has been declining for the past two or three month, and we're afraid that they may not be able to attend if their health worsens. It means a lot for us to move up the date to increase the possibility of them attending. I don't want to live with any regrets. I know that if I wait for August to come around, I will feel guilty that I just stood there and didn't do anything to make the situation better. It's a pretty extreme decision, and I was the one who brought it up to H. He agreed. We spoke with his parents. They agreed. I later talked to my parents, and they agreed too. It just makes sense to us right now. If something were to happen to either one of his grandparents, there would be no wedding this year. I don't mind pushing the wedding back another year or even two. I just want to do everything in my power to make sure they can be there.

Before H and I were engaged, his grandparents would sometimes tell us to get married now so that they can be there for the wedding. They were not getting any younger, and maybe we should have pounced at the opportunity. No worries. We'll get married ASAP.. on June 5th.

Ba & Ong - Christmas 2006

Since I have the big news out of the way, it's time to continue planning. Next up... maybe engagement photo inspiration? The big dress reveal? Just kidding. I did buy three wedding dresses, and I tried each one of them on yesterday at work. That was fun. =) Stay tuned.