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Sunday, May 16, 2010

A Talk with my Dad

The wedding has been stressful, and I'll admit that I am an emotional mess. Don't all brides reach that stage? Weddings are supposed to unite two families, and yet I feel like I'm drifting further apart. There are days when I want to have no part in the wedding due to my in laws demands. Maybe it's because I was told by FFIL that I am not an American or that FMIL once told us to stop thinking like Americans.

Take a step back. Wait. I am an American, an Asian American. I am damn proud of my rights as an American born citizen. Sigh.

So I sink back and think of not so happy thoughts. My dad called me last night. I vented a little about the wedding, and he listened and understood. My parents expected all of this to happen. My dad said that I can't win the fights, and there's nothing worth fighting about. It's a one day event, and it's difficult for his parents to understand our views. They are trying to instill as much of the old traditions as possible. I told my dad that H's sister will probably have the wedding of her dreams. He said that will most likely be true. We're the guinea pigs right now, and it's never fun to be the experiment.

One of my biggest fears resulting from this wedding is that I will hold a grudge against H's parents. My dad holds grudges too. I think that's where I get it from. I told him about the big ordeal behind us purchasing our first home, and his parents were not very happy with our decision at first. My dad told me that they value different things than we do and that we are very fortunate to have a place of our own. My parents have been fully supportive of our purchase since the day I mentioned it to them, but I can't say the same for his parents. I don't think I will be able to get past what happened with the house ordeal, and I will always remember how they treated us. While I don't want to get into the details, it wasn't very pleasant. Will this wedding be the same? Most likely. I don't want that to happen, but it's probably too late.

I told my dad about the court house ceremony, and he was excited. He is definitely on board to attend, and honestly I couldn't be happier. After a "I'll come if you want me to come" response from FFIL, I was expecting the same from my parents. Maybe it wouldn't mean as much to them because Saturday is the big event. Who cares about the legal ceremony? Well my parents do, and they will be there. =)

Today our parents meet again. They met once before at Thanksgiving. It was an awkward interaction. By awkward, I mean there was very limited interaction. My parents spoke with the one person in H's family who is very much Chinese. Now that they won't have her to cling to, I'm afraid this next meeting with turn disastrous. I'm always afraid of what my parents think of H's parents. Don't get me wrong. H's parents are very good people (subtract the house & wedding fiasco from the equation), but they don't have the same values as my parents. The subject involves a few more sentences to make sense, but I think I'm rambling on right now. Basically, this meeting will be an interesting one. I have been fearing this day for the past week, and now that it's finally here, I want it to be over with pronto. At least my parents will be by my side, and I'll have their support.

Sometimes I get caught up in every detail that bothers me. It's hard not to. I just have to take my dad's advice. *takes a deep breath*

My daddy & I conquering the Great Wall of China, and we're at the very top!!
He's my hero.


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