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Wednesday, April 6, 2011

After I Do: Disagreements

How do you handle disagreements?  Do you and your SO have specific arguing styles? What topic do you seems to argue/disagree on the most?  What were some things you and your spouse have done to work out disagreements?

We're usually on the same page on a lot of things.  If we have differing views, we tend to talk to each other to further understand.  We agree more than we disagree. Sometimes it is okay to disagree.  We are individuals with our own opinions -- ex. condiments are yucky to me & yummy to him.  I'm obviously not going to push him to get rid of his condiments (although we could save a few dollars if we didn't have to buy mustard and ketchup... hehe).

As for arguments, they usually stem from frustration.  My husband doesn't get easily frustrated, but I'm the complete opposite at times.  Early in our relationship, I probably kept my feelings hidden but expressed it in my body language.  Then I stepped up to the plate, and I am brutally honest when something is wrong.  We have responsibilities at home, which mainly consist of keeping it clean and orderly (ha).  I try my best to clean up after everyone's mess, and I usually don't mind.  There are times when I ask H to put something away in the basement.  I will ask him multiple times over the course of weeks and sometimes months.  Eventually I reach my boiling point, and I get extremely frustrated.  Words are spoken.  My feelings are out in the air.  My voice probably gets louder, and I eventually leave the room.  H doesn't like seeing me upset. While I need some space to calm myself down, H is there following me like a lost puppy.  Poor hubby.

Now let's switch gears.  H does not like confrontation, and he never yells at me, ever! Sure, I get in trouble for heavy lifting while pregnant and such, but crazy old me actually tells him these things (the honest part of me comes out again).  By trouble, he just tells me not to do it again and to be careful.  "Ninja!"  Hehe.

What does he do when I'm the one yelling at him?  He keeps quiet.  Sometimes he doesn't know what to say or says the wrong things (he's in the spotlight).  He understands that I'm frustrated.  He understands that he should pick up some slack. It's just the point of getting there is hard for him.  He is a tad on the lazy side, like most men.  I know he appreciates the work I do around the house, and I would appreciate it if he could do more work sometimes.  In my pregnant state, I have to be more dependent on him to get a few tasks done -- ex. take the trash to the sidewalk, break down recycling boxes, and lift heavy items up or down the stairs.

By having our arguments, we both know that the issue has reached its boiling point.  I can't say that we effectively argue because a month later we might be having the same exact conversation.  It takes two people to work out a problem, and maybe I cannot take the laziness out of my husband.  I can either accept it or keep arguing whenever I reach maximum frustration.  I think it's still a learning process for me.

This was a lengthy response, and I'm not sure if I concluded anything about our argument styles or disagreements.  I think most of our arguments come from me being overwhelmed with my responsibilities and not having enough help.  How can we work on it?  I do my best to communicate.  Maybe it's up to my husband to contribute more?

Check out other responses from the famous bees themselves over here!


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