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Monday, March 7, 2011

After I Do: Wedding Regrets

After your wedding, what were some of your immediate regrets in regards to the wedding day?  Now that time has gone by, do you have different/additional regrets, or do you no longer regret those initial regrets?

Hahaha.  Okay I could write a whole book just answering this one question alone, but I will try to keep it shorter (maybe just a short story instead of a novel).  I'll start out with a positive statement.  I do not regret moving up our wedding day one bit.  We had originally planned for an August wedding but moved it up to June so that H's grandmother could attend.  Her health was failing, and there was no sure way of knowing if she would be able to attend our August wedding.  She passed away in late July.  I am so glad she was there.  It made so many of our wedding problems worth going through just so that she could see us get married in front of our friends and family.

with H's grandparents on our wedding day
Photo Courtesy of Jubilee Photography

I honestly didn't have any immediate regrets after our wedding day.  I just wished that our situation would have allowed us to take a small honeymoon, even if is was somewhat local and only for a day or two.  We went straight back to work on Monday and never had time to take a break.  Gosh, we only spent a few hours in our hotel room the night of our wedding and spent the rest of our Sunday with his family.  Yeah that's not much of a break.  H had recently been hired on as a contractor (the day before our court house wedding), and he had to prove himself as a serious employee.  Going on vacation not even a week after starting doesn't exactly give a good first impression.

a whole day after being hired as a contractor, H took off to get married

Then all hell broke loose.  A few weeks after the wedding we were asked to pay for some expenses incurred at my in law's house during the Vietnamese ceremony.  Back up.  We paid for every part of our wedding minus the details at our parents' homes.  It was their tradition, and I just assumed they would foot the bill.  That bill was way smaller than what we had to pay at the reception to feed 170 guests, photography for the whole day, and every single wedding detail on our end.  Let's just say that I was not a happy camper.  Later my FIL retracted that statement, which was made by my MIL.  He knew that it wasn't right to ask us for money.  Psh.  It wasn't right that we had no financial help either, but I'm not complaining as long as no one asks me to pay  them back for wedding expenses.  There is much more to this issue, but I will leave that for another post specifically about money.

The very Asian wedding reception (that we 100% paid for) held at the Imperial Inn in Philly.
Photo Courtesy of Jubilee Photography 

Then the regrets started to seep in one at a time.  Then it pretty much piled up to the point where I just wished I had the wedding I dreamed of, not the wedding my in laws dreamed of for their son.  Yeah that wasn't my ideal wedding in any way, shape, or form.  I grew up wanting to walk down an aisle in a pretty white wedding dress.  I wanted to have a simple backyard wedding with my closest family and friends.  I wanted to enjoy the day without stressing out about fulfilling other people's expectations.  Well that didn't happen.  I ran into issues with my in laws to the point where I had no voice or opinion about my wedding day.  To spite them, I actually tossed away the idea of having bridesmaids.  Yes, they even had a say in that too.  Grrr.  It was painful, and I cried so much over every little detail they scrutinized.

Now that 9 months have passed since our wedding, my regrets remain the same.  I wish I could have stood up to my in laws.  I wish our wedding could have been about us.  I wish that everyone could have said good things about our wedding and remember it being a happy day.  I wish money was never an issue, and I wish I could have spent it the way we wanted to since we were footing the bill. 

On a happier note, I married my soul mate.  His grandmother was able to attend.  The day was full of surprises, and I was actually very happy how it all turned out by the end of the night.  It was considered a success in my eyes, even though I didn't have my dream wedding.  Now only if everything could have stopped right there.  It would have been perfect in its own imperfect way.

I love this moment.  I love my facial expression.  I love my husband.
Photo Courtesy of Jubilee Photography 

Check out other responses from the famous bees themselves over here!

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