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Wednesday, March 9, 2011

After I Do: Other Relationships

How has your marriage affected your relationships (with family, friends, coworkers, etc.)?  Have you noticed a change in any of your other relationships now that you're married?

Since we have been together for so long, our relationships with friends stayed the same.  We have always been a unit, and most of our friends see us that way.  We don't need to hang out with other couples to feel like we're on the same page.  We have a lot of mutual friends, which probably came about because we're inseparable.  Don't get me wrong.  I do occasionally hang out with my friends without H, and H hangs out with his friends without me.

our friends come out to celebrate a birthday and a graduation -- yipee!

With my family there has been a drastic change, but it didn't come from marriage.  It came right after H and I purchased a home together.  My parents did not accept H in the beginning.  They don't like boys of any sort, especially the ones that take their daughters away.  When I first told them that I was engaged, they treated the situation as if I told them I had a boyfriend.  They kept telling me that I'm a good catch and could do so much better.  I should get to know him first because 2.5 years certainly was not enough.  Haha.  So I asked how long my parents knew each other before getting married (either 2 weeks or 2 months), but they responded back with the fact that it's just different.  Uh huh.  Sure.

Fast forward to move in day, and my parents all of a sudden forget the past and start accepting H.  They don't mind that we're living together in "sin."  Instead they are proud of us for moving out of H's parents house.  Eh?  It has something to do with the horrors of living with your in laws, and they didn't want me to suffer.  Thanks, mom and dad.  Well everything turned around, and my parents have accepted H ever since.

Photo Courtesy of Jubilee Photography

Now I would have to say the opposite for our relationship with H's parents.  They have very high expectations from us, and we seem to always fall short.  If I did a side by side comparison of our parents, it would be surprising how relaxed and non-traditional my parents have become.  His parents, on the other hand, have been very disappointed in us.  Nothing is ever good enough.  We certainly don't do enough to reach out to them.  It's just an ugly picture all around.  Plus I haven't moved on from the regrets from our wedding day or even the long drawn out arguments over purchasing a house.  I have a feeling there will be more problems to come with the addition of a Ninja.

with H's parents after our courthouse ceremony

At the same time we are hopeful that our relationship with his parents will change.  I am hopeful that I can move on and leave the past behind (that's going to be a toughie).  I hope that H will reach out to his parents more often.  I'm usually the one who has to convince him to visit them on an occasional weekend.  It's not going to be easy, but we'll work towards it one step at a time.

I am very thankful for the great relationships that we do have with our friends and my parents.  It can be difficult at times to figure out the perfect balance and while doing so as a couple.

Check out other responses from the famous bees themselves over here!

After I Do:
Wedding Regrets


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