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Friday, March 4, 2011

After I Do: Changes

How did your relationship change in the first year of your marriage?  When comparing day 1 of your marriage to day 365, did you sense any specific/notable changes?  If the changes were negative, what were some things you and your SO did to get back on track?

We're inching closer to our first full year of marriage, and we just passed the 9 month mark a few days ago.  The biggest change would most definitely have to be the little baby growing inside of me.  Other than that, our lives have continued just where we left off the moment before we officially said, "I do."

Adjusting to marriage is something that we spent years doing before we actually tied the knot.  We spent 2 years living together under H's parent's roof.  Then we bought a house together, opened a joint checking account, and saved up to plan and pay for our own wedding.  Marriage is all about team work, and we have been working together for many years.  We were practically married in almost every sense before our wedding date.  For some, it is against their beliefs.  For us, it just worked.  It took us years to really get to know each other.  Which one of H's habits would bug the heck out of me?  Who is responsible for laundry and washing dishes?  Who takes care of the finances?  What are our plans for our future?  All of this was established way before we officially got married.  Communication and working as a team is key.

While it is increasingly common for couples to live together before marriage, they still encounter a few changes during the first year of marriage.  Why not for us?  H asked me to marry him after a whole month of official dating.  I said "yes."  He said that it wouldn't be official until the day he could put a ring on my finger.  Hehe.  Pretty much from day one we had marriage on our minds.  We couldn't stand the thought of not being together forever.  I felt like we were engaged from that moment on, just not officially.  That would make our engagement period feel like it was almost 5 years long (it was actually 2+ years).  All along we were a unit.  It was always "we" and "ours," never "you" or just "me."  We were conscious of our future together, and all of our decisions were made accordingly.

I love where we are at in our marriage, and I cannot wait for our new little addition.  I'm sure that a family will change our lives drastically.  Maybe I'll answer this question again after Ninja is born and see how marriage is affected by a little baby.

My advice for new engaged couples -- don't use me as an example of married life.  Marriage requires a lot of hard work, and it's not simply a continuation of your dating relationship.  There are a lot of challenges and adventures to face.  We were just fortunate to have established a great line of communication and conquered most of our challenges in the 5 years we had been together before marriage.

Check out other responses from the famous bees themselves over here!

After I Do:


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