Wedding Break Down

We had a serious talk with H's parents this weekend, and it was not a pretty one. I was going to put this entry on the back burner, thinking that my frustration would subside in a few days. I'm sure it won't.

I've realized that this wedding really has nothing to do with us. It has everything to do with family and upholding Asian tradition. Weddings are never easy because there is an obligation to make everyone happy. The most well known advice out there is that you can't make everyone happy. H & I are Asian. We have to respect our families. We have no choice but to listen, be verbally abused, and follow direction. This is how the wedding turns into a day about the families, not the couple. Is it even about uniting two families? Not really. It sounds like a big family reunion. I would rather not attend.

Compromises. I've given up so much to make this wedding the day everyone else wants. What did I give up?

• purchasing the perfect girly white wedding dress of my dreams & wearing it for every second possible -- instead I have to wear 3 dresses, none of which are dream worthy
  
• walking down the aisle with a bouquet in my hand and my dad by my side
• sharing the moment of "I do" with 0ur family and friends -- I get to do this at the court house with 2 witnesses instead
  
• having bridesmaids who care & share the excitement -- instead I have some awesome friends who really make up for it
• small intimate wedding -- turned into big family reunion
• the excitement of planning the big day -- turned into dread & having to face reality
• wanting the perfect balance of an American wedding with Asian traditions -- no balance, just Asian
  

What does my family think about all of this? I've been known to rant about how crazy and dysfunctional my family can be. Oddly enough, I think they are super awesome. They have been supportive through this whole planning process, and I sense a bit of excitement on their end. The only request they have made is to invite a few of their friends, most of which were already on my guest list.

With a month remaining, I've given up again. How can I keep my head up when I am dreading every moment of this? I can't.